messed up...

been thinkin of wat to write today... my mind has been so messed up wiv so many things...

there will be a big change in my life from 10th july 2009 onwards... tis change is a 2nd big change after 11th nov 2008... no matter wat life goes on n i know tis change is da most suitable decision ever... a child should grow up wiv her parents by her side at all time...

sometimes i ask myself whether i'm being too cruel as i never looked bec at those days... but isn't tis wat i shld do... never live in da past but look forward to da future... i had my happy times but i juz can't recall those days anymore... n i never regretted i made tat decision to end da 4yrs rship... ever since then i saw wat my priority is...

i dunno y recently i got myself messed up wiv unnecessary things which i know i'm not supposed to... i dunno my existence into certain ppl's lives is something to be treasured or juz another freak messing around... some ppl think tat whatever i do comes wiv a motive... if caring for someone is considered a motive then there's no such thing as family, friendship, true love, sincerity n loyalty on tis place named earth, isn't it... i juz wanna be there whenever they needed someone to talk to, or merely a listener... i juz wanna be there to share their ups n downs... it's suffering to carry da burden urself so y not let me share wiv u... well maybe i'm really not needed n my existence into their lives is something tat gets on their nerves... if tat so, fine, tell me n i shall buzz off...

it's hard to keep on smiling n laughing when u r actually crying inside... i think i'm emotionally n mentally tired... life has never been so torturing n stressful... ya i'm messed up.... :-(